So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
