and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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