I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
