i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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