I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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