It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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