Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
