I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
