I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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