nutella sex= disaster
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
