To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
