At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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