i need an iv and a liver transplant
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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