you guys were way drunker than both of me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize