I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
