have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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