Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
