I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
