She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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