I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
