U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
