We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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