beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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