i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
