I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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