When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
