I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
