My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
