Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
