I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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