I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
