I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
