Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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