does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
