worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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