Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
