zippers are such a cool invention
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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