i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
