lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
