So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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