He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
