I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
