I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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