At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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