I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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