I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize