I am puke
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
