Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
