i just wanna soil my oats bro
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
