My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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