I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
