Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
