Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
