If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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