You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
