you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize