Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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