my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She bit a glass in half.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
