Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
