Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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