I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
