There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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