Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
