My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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