want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
