what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
