when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
