3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
