Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
