i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry about my life...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
