Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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