i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
