dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize