it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
