it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize