After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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