He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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