Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize