You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
