i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
