I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
