Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
