This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
