I wish my penis had an off switch
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
