He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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