...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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