a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
